Pecs, Biceps and Butts, the Gay Man's Workout and His Fixation on Physique, Face and Fashion

Another week has advanced into late middle age already, with less than half its life still to run, so it is time to throw another post up on your screen.  Many thanks to you for taking the time to pause and peruse it.  I cross my fingers that you'll enjoy the read and by all means feel free to comment, if you feel so moved.

(Please Note - photos/videos are taken from public sites and assumed to be open source.  I do not hold the copyrights.  If you do, and you wish the picture removed, just advise me and I shall take the photo down.  The use of a photo does not presume anything regarding the sexuality of the subject)

Reports tell us that two of the most common of causes for divorce in straight marriages are money troubles and infidelity.  In gay marriages, its when one of the guys looks better in a pair of the other's jeans!  So goes the joke but, as we all know, many a true word is spoken in jest.  Much of the world perceives gay man to be obsessed with the superficial, with looks and apparel, so this post will offer one homosexual's take on the reality of gay man's fixation on physique, face and fashion.

You may have heard of the "Holy Trinity" in Cajun or Creole cooking, meaning onions, bell-peppers and celery, well, the holy trinity in a gay man's gym work out is often said to be pecs, biceps and butts.  Overheard from a gay mate to his new personal trainer, as the latter sought to explain his approach to designing a workout, "Dear, don't tell me about pecs, biceps and butts, I'm gay, I can teach you about how to best fill those treasure chests."  Yes, mea culpa, I hold my hand up and admit that gay guys living on the scene are more fixated upon, fastidious about gym training than most straight guys (huge generalisation, just from personal experience)....and it is for a purpose.

Shortly after departing the Colours (leaving the Army) I recall sitting in Costa Coffee, on Old Compton Street, in London's Soho, with a mate I'd made through the gym and talking about the relative merits of, proportions of time to be set down to cardio-vascular and muscle work to achieve optimum fitness levels.  He interjected, "Darling, walk away, leave your past behind, I don't invest hours in these [he bends his arms and tenses his biceps to cause them to pop] to be fit, bless you, you funny old thing, no, their only purpose is to attract suitable playmates."  (....and, as an aside, I must put up a post based on my time, post military service, working as the junior waiter in the café of this gym, a fabulous gay gym in London's Covent Garden area!)

My years on the gay scene opened my eyes to a culture of striving, striving for that perfect body with everything cut, defined, in proportion (I hated guys who looked like an Olympic athlete from the waist up, only to disrobe them and find they teetered on pair of Flamingo like legs)....and the reason for all this sweat and grunting, well, there are three related (dependant?) facets to that answer.  On the one hand, the obvious purpose of attracting a sexual partner, then, hand in glove with that, if you can improve the packaging it should elevate your position on the food chain (the fabled attraction rankings) and allow you to invite a better class of paramour.  For that to be accepted and exploited, however, the last element is key.

Tightening and toning your physique can make you feel better about yourself, so much better, it can enhance self belief and self confidence, empowering you to harvest the benefits of that new, improved body.  Problem is, gay man (or most of us) is afflicted by a paranoia about comparative size and shape (of physique!), about how others see us and better is never good enough, it is never enough.  If you cast an eye around the gym or the bar or the club, not to cruise the talent (well, of course to cruise, when does one not - but not primarily for that, this time....unless....) but to gauge the human terrain, the landscape of physiques that set the corporeal context, you see "them", everyone else, as Taylor Lautners or Daniel Graigs (added for my husband!).  The measure, is "them", always "them"!

Psychotherapist Matthew Dempsey has coined the descriptive and wholly apposite term Compare and Despair Disorder for what I describe above.  I also note the painfully true observation of Iyanta Vanzant, an author, speaker and TV personality in the US, who said, "Comparison is an act of violence against the self."  That pretty much marks out the whole of scene living gay guys as masochists and, while rich pickings for comedians, Dempsey's concept of the Compare and Despair Disorder can be very real and have a deleterious impact on general and mental health.  As a part of this, while one assumes that most guys who take "social" or "recreational" drugs do so primarily for the reported euphoric and relaxing properties of the chemicals, the substances also act as appetite suppressants, aiding the constant, sometimes overwhelming imperative of achieving an ever more attractive physique (I talk a touch more about drugs on the gay scene in the post, Fancy a Night Out in London's Soho and Beyond - PART 2....the best received post, to date).

At this juncture, I should stress that the above relates to the most extreme levels of the gay man's earnest pursuit of the best possible physique and that, for most, the fixation is entirely controllable and can be of benefit; being the catalyst for regular, serious exercise.  A similar good cop/bad cop picture can be painted for gay man's quest for facial beauty and fashion fabulousness (yes, it is a word!).  Apart from the bastards (oops....!) who could look good in a black bin bag/trash bag (does Prada make a black bin bag?), most of us mere mortals require to add bells and whistles to what nature has dealt us.

Would you....?

The beauty and fashion industries are huge.  The beauty industry was estimated to be worth around £17bn to the UK in 2014 (CEW for Raconteur, published in The Times) and about £300bn worldwide, with fashion contributing around £26bn to the UK's GDP in 2014 and worth up to $3tn globally (yes, trillion, which equates to about £1.8tn at a rough average for 2014 exchange rates).  The Pink Pound (an industry description of gays' disposable income, not a gay measurement of weight) and Pink Profit are in sharp focus in the fashion and beauty industries, because 'out' gays are able to brandish greater disposable income per capita than straight counterparts and spend considerably higher proportions on these delicious consumables; estimates of amounts vary widely between publications, but all agree on the fact that gay guys exceed straight in both areas.

Clothes shopping....is one of the wonders of the world; as long as you have the cash to indulge your fancies, as I hate just window shopping!  While I was by no means excessively indulgent, in this regard, during the years between leaving the Army and meeting my husband I admit that every stitch I owned (including shoes, socks, underwear etc) was from fashion labels!

Opening of the London Store

You get a sense of this in a copy/paste from the earlier post, Fancy a Night Out in London's Soho and Beyond - PART 1, "....for a Saturday night out, the product of such effort [gym time] was clad in Ted Baker black leather flat fronted shoes, Evisu blue jeans, Armani black leather belt, Abercrombie and Fitch black tight fitting T-shirt and Versace blue jean (gold thread) jacket; all set against the alluring background of the Abercrombie and Fitch Fierce fragrance...."  Though not mentioned in that post, the socks were Polo Ralph Lauren and the underwear Calvin Klein or Dolce and Gabanna.  Clothes, in and of themselves, are important to gay man but so, too, is "the look".  While all the above labels were acceptable and my wardrobe was mixed, when single, I was a sucker for brand loyalty and was ensnared by Abercrombie and Fitch for many years.  At that time, there was no "flagship store" on Saville Row, London, as there is now, so if you wore the genuine article it meant you had bought it in the USA; or had persuaded a "trolly dolly" mate to do so for you.  A&F became something of a uniform for casual dress on the London gay scene, partly for that reason but also because of their branding and advertising; "explained" as showing the body straight guys wanted to have....it also showed the body gay guys wanted to have, though ascribing different meaning to "have"!

The scene is a judgemental, often superficial jungle in which such things matter and, in addition to that, gay guys just like fabulous things; though it's probably true to say that if what is underneath is evidently of superior quality, that will still carry the day no matter what the wrapping....as fine physique and face are the most fabulous things of all (a statement one would expect to be indisputable, but I may relate a tale that will prove it in error in a future post)!  In addition to the fashion, one adds beauty items.  Though I stopped using them when I moved to the coast of NE Brazil (nothing adheres to the face or body in this year round heat!), I used to revel in corporeal care with facial and body potions and spells!  For many years, the rather expensive house of Sisley, Paris, was the 'coven' of choice.

Yes, we spend a damned fortune on fashion and beauty and there's no problem with that....unless, as with the eternal quest for the Holy Grail of bodies (your own, not the play thing you cruise for at the club), it truly becomes a fixation, an addiction that can suck the life out of your bank balance and lead one into all manner of difficulties.  Shopaholics are as ill as many of those enslaved by other obsessions and lives can be ruined by the insatiable hits of retail "therapy".  The Compare and Despair Disorder can, indeed, result in despair if it goes beyond delightful self indulgence and represents genuine dependence on this or that fix.  I have seen it and it's sad, heartbreaking.

For most of us, however, the fixation on physique, face and fashion leaves us healthier than would otherwise be the case, looking more gorgeous than would otherwise be the case (as well as poorer than would otherwise be the case!) and necessarily matched to the demands of the glorious, glamorous gay scene....because, if you're not up to snuff, some bitchy evil queen will set about you with words that will wither and wilt!  To bastardise the words of the Earl of Surrey in the TV series, The Tudors, who says, "I am a Howard, your Grace, it is expected of me and always has been", I would opine, "We are gay, it is expected of us and always has been". (and the phot, right, is Hadrien Mazelier, from Bananas Models, wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and it took much web searching to find a usable phot of an A&F model with his shirt on, looking like a chap heading into Soho....though A&F seems to be distancing itself, somewhat, from the topless branding as part of its response to significant falls in turnover and earnings after years of burgeoning success....even the model that greets at the door of the flagship London store now wears a shirt).

So, another week ready for the screen.  Immense thanks to you for joining me and I send huge e-hugs or manly embraces, as appropriate.  I do hope that you found the post engaging, interesting and, if straight, perhaps enlightening.  Next week's offering may be one of the two I trail above, either my experiences as junior waiter in the café of a gay gym in London, or, exploring, from (laundered) experience, when that irresistible face and body are not the "most fabulous things of all".

If Saturday and Sunday are your weekend, and work allows you to indulge in weekend pleasures, ENJOY.