A quick check of the calendar and, yes, it's true, it really is only 17 days to Christmas; for those who actually are Christian, or at least profess Christian faith or are just happy go with flow at this time of year and party. It is also 16 days to the start of Hanukkah, with the nightly menorah lighting, eating latkes and sufganiot, amongst other delights, and either 4 days or 9 days to Mawlid (for Sunni and Shi'a Muslims, respectively) when some participate in large street parades and decorate homes and mosques to mark the birthday of The Prophet; though others believe the day is for reading the Quran, worship and contemplation. In Brazil, Christmas occurs on Christmas Eve....counterintuitive? Akin to much of Continental Europe, families assemble and celebrate on the evening of 24 December, enjoying excess of food (usually buffet style, with tables groaning under the weight of joints of meat, rice, pastas, maybe salads, cakes and sweets) accompanied by drink aplenty and surrounded by kith and kin. The revelry will run into the early hours of Christmas Day but, to my surprise, when one arises from a few hours sleep for breakfast, the magic is gone....it's all over, just another day; indeed, those of the family who travelled for the festivities may depart as soon as breakfast is over. While the concept of (and ability to fund!) "twelve days of Christmas" only really sustains in seasonal songs back in the UK, most people of my acquaintance still don their gay apparel of Christmas vivacity on the Eve, 24th, throw themselves bodily into the main celebration on 25th and then that spirit of fun, of magic, of things being just that little bit different and somehow special, runs to 1st January. I loved it and miss it.
Brazilian homes also mark Christmas with just a tree, rather than the jolly decking of the halls that goes on in Europe and N America....our tree is up and one or two of our decs may be a touch different from yours; phots below.
(Please Note - photos/videos are taken from public sites and assumed to be open source. I do not hold the copyrights. If you do, and you wish the picture removed, just advise me and I shall take the photo down. The use of a photo does not presume anything regarding the sexuality of the subject)
Meanwhile, this week's Blog words result from reading a piece in Gay Star News (gaystarnews.com) about a gay guy who fancied a fellow guest at his cousin's wedding, not knowing the chap's sexuality. It raised the issue of what happens when a gay man tries to pick up a man he fancies outside the gay scene, or when a lesbian tries to pick up a girl?
A number of people, in discussion with me, have said that they are surprised that "gay villages/scenes" sustain, that they are surprised that we still have gay Pride events and continue other overt celebrations of our sexuality and community and protest issues of equality. To them, often very supportive straight allies of the LGBT cause, in places such as the UK, much of Europe and the USA marriage equality has been achieved so we are now free to live within "normal" society, lay down our rainbow flags and pink feather boas and cruise the common or garden places of entertainment and enjoyment with all the other well adjusted members of polite society.
We have spoken of the sad, harsh realites of acceptance, inclusivity and integration in the real world, at street level, in previous posts, including those on Gay Identity and Gay Culture and on Coming Out....realities that often shock my decent minded, socially liberal friends who are only aware of the impressive advances in legislative or judicially ruled equality. We have also spoken of the woeful, inhumane state of LGBT rights in many countries outside Western Europe and parts of N America and the need for us all to be cognisant of the urgency and immediacy of the fight for basic human dignity and rights for LGBT people in those countries. In these previous posts you find some of the explanations due to those who fail to understand the need for LGBT issues to remain visible and vital in current politics and also gain some insight into why we often feel unable to "be ourselves" in majority society, even today and even in countries that lead the world in legislative LGBT equality, such as the UK. In this post, however, I wish to tarry a while on the single issue of gay guys or girls trying to pick someone up in standard social venues or at parties, events.
This is one of those occasions on which I would love this to be a directly interactive experience, because I would wish to pose this question to my very wlecome straight readers, "How would you react if a gay guy/girl approached you in your local pub/bar and tried to pick you up?" For me, the copybook answer to such an approach might be, "Actually, I'm straight, but thanks", and I know a number of readers would respond with just such decency and magnanimity. It is the type of response for which one might hope in the above referenced "polite society", the beau monde or café society....but I fear it has not been and is unlikely to be universal across Wyoming or Texas, Luton or Birmingham or many places beyond, even in socially advanced countries.
In the first place, history cautions most of us that cruising a straight bar and trying to hit on a guy or, for a lesbian, a girl, can be a recipe for trouble and requires not inconsiderable courage. If we had genuinely arrived at a time of understanding, acceptance and equality a simple no thanks from the subject of the amorous desires would suffice but, for many, even in this 21st Century it does not suffice. Street level reality shows us that such an approach may well end in a verbal exchange or even fisticuffs. It is one of the reasons we discussed in preceding posts for there continuing to be a place, an important place for gay scenes/villages in the LGBT world....we do not wish to affront some straight guy or girl, nor be the catalyst for volleys or vitriol or flurries of fists.
As a result, the interaction reported in GSN is quite amazing. Chad tells us that he was attending his cousin's wedding when a stranger approached, asked his name and said, "....I just want you to know that I've noticed you all night. I wanted to leave this with you before I left....". With that, the stranger, Shane, handed him a piece of paper upon which he had written his number. In talking to GSN, later, Chad commented that, "....I thought it was extremely brave and I know it's something I wouldn't be able to do. I'm sharing this to remind everyone to live their lives without regrets. Almost all of my regrets came from things I didn't do, not the things I did. I will be living my life more like this man and I suggest you do as well....". Chad was also decent enough to exchange a few messages with Shane:
Chad, "Hey, this is Chad from the wedding. I just wanted to let you know that I actually have a girlfriend but I thought it was really brave what you did. Keep it up, I hope you're [you've] a good year".
Shane, "Hey Chad. I appreciate you responding man. It took me for ever to pony up the guts to do it. I really never thought that you would respond because I was so awkward the entire time. Your gf is a lucky gal".
Chad, "Thanks a lot. Keep it up it's so much better to live your life without the regrets of not doing those types of things even if they're scary at the time. I wish you the best and know you'll find someone soon. Have a great week".
A tale fit for the Festive Season. Shane had not done anything to offend Chad and, indeed, Chad took no offence. A simple thanks, but no thanks and both continued their lives none the worse and, in fact, both probably feeling a touch better about both gay and straight guys, respectively, and about humankind more generally. If you've never found yourself in a minority, one that faces prejudice, faces discrimination and worse the importance of such a simple tale of decent folk may be a touch lost on you. I have known many straight friends who have been cruised by gay guys, often other mates of mine, and a few who have had a gay man hit on them....and they each survived the episode, came out of the brush with danger unscathed and, in most cases, actually feeling pretty good about being fancied by a gay guy; yes, I've been asked by heterosexual mates whether "your guys would find me attractive or not"....asked by men who were entirely confident of and in their sexuality. Until such maturity is the norm, few homosexuals will feel secure in approaching a man or woman in a straight bar and trying to pick them up and the need for the likes of London's Soho will remain; though I say that knowing that such scenes or villages are contracting or disappearing because the majority of gay men are now retiring behind the anonymity of dating/hook up sites, avoiding having to be seen in a gay area or be seen associating with gay people....though that is not to deny those who do meet longer term partners over such sites.
Meanwhile, with so much potentially disturbing news coming out of the USA, there have been headlines from which to draw hope....and it is truly a grievous thing to live without hope. In the wake of the anti-LGBT laws (H.B.2) that were pushed through the North Carolina State Government, supported and signed into law by Governor Pat McRory, national LGBT groups garnered and marshalled support from across the USA against Gov McRory and his policies; we note that, as Mayor of Charlotte, Mr McRory worked on an ambitious right wing agenda including rolling back ballot access rules, imposing new abortions regulations, a private-school voucher plan, expanding rights of gun owners and alterations in taxes said to favour the richest in society. He will now be replaced as Governor of NC by Democrat Mr Cooper and perhaps the crucial nail in the coffin for Mr McRory was the wave of practical support for the LGBT community from the arts, sports and some businesses that undercut his claim to be the best steward of the State's economy. Major performers cancelled concerts in NC, the NBA moved its All Star Game out of state to New Orleans and the NCAA and ACC moved their sports championships out of NC.
Shadowing the amazing solidarity across different elements of US society and commerce in NC, the Texas Association of Business has warned the GOP in the State that pressing ahead with its planned anti-LGBT agenda could cost Texas up to $8.5Bn and 100,000 jobs; assuming similar national reactions visited upon NC. Now, as many of the Texas homophobic proposals are purportedly founded on unwavering religious faith, vulgar concerns such as money and jobs should not be expected to have any impact on the pious Texas GOP members of State Legislatures....we shall have to wait and see and hopefully applaud the decent folk of the US who will again, as in North Carolina's case, stand up for civil rights and equality. We also wait, watch and worry about what may transpire post January, when the USA, at national level will, have a Congress wherein the GOP has the most anti-LGBT platform in its history (according to one of its own, the then leader of the Log Cabin Republican group), when the then President's policy will have been shaped by a VP who has espoused directing funds away from HIV/AIDS care to fund "gay cure" organisations and when the then President will be one who has said he will sign into law Acts that would legalise discrimination against the LGBT community on "religious" grounds. Such worrying times for our LGBT friends in the US, as well as others in that country.
OK....sufficient for this week, with other demands dragging me from the Blog page. If you've made it thus far, with me, a huge thanks to you and warm e-hugs or manly embraces, as appropriate.
If Saturday and Sunday comprise your weekend and if work and other factors mean you can actually enjoy it, have a fabulous time and thanks for dropping in to join me.
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