What....so soon after Monday's special Blog entry is it truly time for the normal schedule post? Yes, another week almost through and another month down. Dare one say it, with the sun still beaming down on the (righteous in the) Northern Hemisphere, we are drawing ever closer to the Festive Season with Christmas, Hanukkah and (though not universally celebrated within its faith) Mawlid an nabi to be marked or, for those of no religion, well earned holidays to be fabulously exploited to the full.
(Please Note - photos/videos are taken from public sites and assumed to be open source. I do not hold the copyrights and, if anyone does and wishes the picture removed, just advise me and I shall take the photo down. The use of a photo does not presume anything regarding the sexuality of the subject)
As trailed in the two previous posts, this offering will ponder the issue of whether there really are such things as 'gay identity' and 'gay culture' in the 21st Century; a question that raises debate and argument within today's LGBT community. We are all products of our personal experience and this is but one gay guy's take on the question, based on my experience. In this PART 1, I shall briefly suggest why such things may have come about in the first place, in what I admit will be rather Northern Hemisphere and 'western' biased review, and explain what they meant to me, in my time. Then, in next week's post, I shall discuss the degree to which such terms remain apposite, in this day and age, and broaden perspective to the wider world, wherein there are staggeringly disturbing circumstances facing LGBT communities.
All of us are members of communities or sub-cultures, groups that define us or, at least, influence who we are and how we behave; though usually larger than the group of one, "the only gay in the village", that allegedly comprised Matt Lucas' character Dafydd Thomas in Little Britain (though in the comedy series they spelt his name incorrectly as Dafyd)! Most of us belong to a group at work, to a group of fellow drinkers at your local pub/bar, to the players or supporters at your local rugby club etc. For straight men and women, these communities or sub-cultures also present the potential for finding sexual partners and even life partners as, for the straight community, almost all social interaction is accepted as an opportunity to find attraction in someone of the opposite sex. Such has not been and still is not the case, or at least the norm, for gay men and women. Indeed, cruising guys in a 'straight' venue or trying to pick one up has and will still often result in offence being taken, verbal abuse and quite possibly violence; or, in many, many countries across the world result in arrest and prosecution. As a result, community safe havens, so called 'gay villages' sprang up in the larger urban areas of some countries out of necessity, for self protection and to ensure one was amongst kindred spirits. This meant that such communities were defined by sex, or by sexuality, and the need to safely explore the same and be at ease in the company of men and women of the same identity.
I might note that, for some (particularly of about my generation and prior to) identifying as 'gay' might be seen as different from simply being homosexual.
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| Vince and Stuart |
I can illustrate this difference with a scene from the ground breaking, watershed UK Channel 4 TV series 'Queer as Folk'; which is revered as truly iconic by the majority of the UK gay community (I re-watch both series' two or three times a year). In the series, Aiden Gillen's character (yes, he of Game of Thrones fame, these days), Stuart, sets fire to the car of a gay friend's mother, homophobic mother who had disowned her son and had asked him to sign a document disavowing any claim on his dying father's estate just as he arrived at hospital to visit the father on his death bed. Stuart's mate, Vince, played by Craig Kelly, refuses to be a part of the fire setting. After the event, Stuart confronts Vince in a bar and decries and denigrates him in the most venomous way a gay man can, saying, "....You're just a straight man, Vince. You're a straight man who f***s men....". To those of a certain generation and experience, one's sexuality may be homosexual but being gay refers to a positive choice to adopt a lifestyle and, implicitly, to be part of that community's struggle for equal rights. These days, however, it's fair to say that that distinction is obsolescent, if not totally defunct in most countries.
So, if you are generous enough to accept that 'gay villages/communities' grew out of need, out of physical need in two senses (to avoid possible homophobic violence and safely find sex with consenting partners) and out of the powerful, emotional yearning most humans have to find their identity and a sense of belonging, to able to relax and be yourself within a community of similarly minded people with whom you share likes, dislikes and norms of behaviour the question still begs, does that constitute a 'culture'?
For my part, I have lived the London 'gay scene' for a few years (even being called a 'scene queen' by one or two!), as well as having experienced something of the scene in Caerdydd/Cardiff, Washington DC, New York City and, now, Aracaju on the NE coast of Brazil. These experiences, and discussions with other gay guys, lead me to answer in the affirmative. Yes, I found that there was an identifiable 'gay culture' and I say that on no lesser foundation than that laid by the Oxford English Dictionary, wherein 'culture' is defined as, 'The distinctive ideas, customs, social behaviours, products, or way of life of a particular nation, society, people or period. Hence: a society or group characterised by such customs etc'. By this definition, yes, I found there to be a gay culture that spanned countries and continents and bound elements of the gay community together in a shared, distinctive identity; returning to the word 'elements' below.
What comprised these 'distinctive ideas, customs, social behaviours and way of life'? In answering this, I risk sustaining stereotypes and annoying a few gay friends (steady, girls, calm down......which will also anger them!) but, beneath many a comedian's stereotype one finds strands of truth; albeit at the level of a rule of thumb.
The first thing that binds us together is what most would take as self evident, that we are attracted to the same sex. I make the point because some, in the broader gay community, seem shy, embarrassed, almost apologetic about that key point, the initiating factor for all that follows....and they do this in an attempt not to offend the majority and to be better accepted. Believe me, I am always one to seek accommodation and the line of least resistance (and have adhered to that in difficult times in my work and private life) but, only to a point. While not wearing a rainbow lapel badge or flying a flag over our home, I am one of those out and proud gays and am not going to deny who I am in an attempt to win some sort of hollow acceptance from others that would be meaningless if founded on denying the basic truth of who I am. That said, in the long road to wider genuine acceptance there has to be give and take on both sides and the gay community damages itself when it demands its (entirely proper and deserved) rights in full, now, this moment and not one iota less.
Same sex attraction is why we are 'on the scene'. It shapes some of our conversation in bars in gay villages and results in many of the other lifestyle customs that bind us and delineate the culture. Such other common interests and shared norms of behaviour are found in: a more liberated, real, natural acceptance of sexuality as a key drive in and part of life than one tends to find in straight community groups (and I may return to such as hanky codes etc in future posts, though they are dying out, now, and to the nature of 'the chase', cruising etc); a fixation on, addiction to appearance and attraction which drives gym addiction, the tendency to become a clothes horse for clothing labels and perfume retailers; music, whether it be disco, the likes of Justin Bieber or, as with my husband and myself, club dance music (ie predominantly versions of House genre), just make it music, make it loud and all the time and, lastly, hedonism. Again, I know I'll annoy some gay mates in saying hedonism but, outside Brazil, I have seldom found a community so intent upon or willing to enjoy itself as our own; to which I shall return in a future post relating a standard Saturday night out as experienced on the London scene, in answer to a question posed to me by a straight mate over FaceBook's messenger. These behaviours are not just interests, they are positive drives; and, in regard to fashion, I would note that underwear is a key element of that, where a top label pair of boxers of trunks or whatever is important.
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| A 'Club Night' at our place in Brazil |
Penultimate paragraph....yes, the draw of the scene wears off. One gets to the point where you've been there and done that. Such waning of the call of the scene, however, does not negate my claim to cultural identity as I have found that the same shared likes, dislikes and behaviours sustain but find new avenues of expression. For example, my husband and I stopped going into Soho, but found the nearest 'gay' bar and club, an excellent one, Barcode in Vauxhall, and went there instead, or hopped aboard a bus (yes, bus) to Clapham Common to grace gay bars Kazbar and then The Two Brewers with our custom.
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| Club Night in our 'House' Club |
Having moved here, to Aracaju on the NE coast of Brazil, where there is no gay scene at all (to which I shall return in a later post, discussing being gay in Brazil), we have built our own dance club in the 'back garden', fully equipped with decent sound system, lights, lasers, smoke machine and, of course, multiple disco balls and have become the home of something of a gay scene in our own right. The shared behaviours and lifestyle that constitute a gay culture sustain in a different context.
In closing, I said that the above customs, social behaviours and lifestyles bind 'elements' of the gay community together. That is because many (most?) gay men and women live significant distances from 'gay villages' or 'gay scenes'. Life is often more complex and difficult for them. That said, when situations have allowed me to talk with some of those living lives away from the wider gay community, they have often proved to be just as interested in the lifestyle aspects listed above, but simply and sadly been unable to profess them or manifest them in the same....usually out of fear for their place in their families and communities, and that is so very sad. I shall touch on this in the next post, PART 2 to this topic. I should also close on the fact that I know other gay couples who live lives that are outwardly no different from their straight neighbours, particularly when having adopted children....and many would contend that this is where the future lies, this is the logical end state of full acceptance of LGBT people, that we become, to all intents and purposes, indistinguishable from straight people, to which I shall return in the next part of this topic.
....and so, to publish. Just one guy's take on this rather controversial subject. As ever, I am hugely and genuinely grateful to you for taking the time to join me and send you e-hugs/manly embraces (as appropriate). I hope you'll stick with me for another couple of posts which will include part two on this topic, one on a night out on the scene in London's Soho, one on coming out etc.
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