Straight Guy Visits to the 'Gay Zoo'!

Just slipping this post in before the end of the week; been a touch distracted by other concerns.  If you'll forgive me, I want to start off with some admin points before we get into the meat of this week's offering.  Firstly, I have now changed comments to 'embedded' which, I am told, will allow me to reply directly in thread style.  One reader also asked, again, about registering for the email feed and, yes, it's a great idea which avoids you having to pull up the Blog on Thu/Fri to see if I have posted, BUT, you see it in a much less reader friendly way as the format is fitted to the Blog page and you miss the overall impact of the design, the borders etc.  Right, thanks for your patience, let's get to it.

(Please Note - photos/videos are taken from public sites and assumed to be open source.  I do not hold the copyrights and, if anyone does and wishes the picture removed, just advise me and I shall take the photo down.  The use of a photo does not presume anything regarding the sexuality of the subject)

Following close on the heels of the posts about coming out, I thought I would highlight the ensuing 'educational' nights out on 'the scene' with some of my straight friends; particularly those from my old line of work.  This will lead me to next week's post, 'tales of straight gay sexual experiences and straight guys picking up on the gay scene'...and, don't worry, guys, if any of you are reading, identities will be laundered in the telling (this is not Sex and the City, though I do love that show and the post after next will be titled Sex and the Scene)!

Seeking to understand human kind, both as individuals and communities, was at the heart of my old employment.  I made a number of very dear friends in that work and came out to them as and when necessary or appropriate; as discussed in the preceding two posts.  They were variously delighted, surprised and annoyed by the revelation.  The annoyance came not from my sexuality, but from professional angst at them having failed picked it up during our years of working together and becoming friends, because human perception, reading people, was meant to be their stock in trade!

Yes, I have the 'Definitive
Collector's Edition'!

Much discussion ensued with them as individuals and in groups, always over glasses of this or that, and quite a number asked if I would take them out for a night 'on the scene'.  They knew nothing of our community, our culture, and both personal and professional interest led them to seek to fill this gap in their education through empirical research, people watching on the scene.   The nights out became known as visits to the zoo....preceded by my oft repeated caution not to feed the animals!  As the old saying goes, "there's nowt so queer as folk", which was taken as the title for the watershed original UK TV series, Queer as Folk, and was certainly an apposite observation on London's eclectic Old Compton Street and its 'gay village' environs.  Such forays would mirror the night out which you and I enjoyed together, a couple of posts ago, but it is what passed between me and my visitors on these occasions that is worth repeating and exploring.

As was - now renamed and restyled as Balans Soho Society

The evenings kicked off in the Bohemian atmosphere of my fave eating place, Balans; "If restaurants could win Nobel Prizes, Balans would be in line," Tatler restaurant Guide 2016.  On one such occasion, I was puzzled by the time it was taking my close friend to plump for choices from the menu.  On questioning him about the hesitation, he replied, "Well, is there something I can order that will show I am straight?"....and then tried to claw the words back, out of thin air, as soon as they had left his lips.  This was a well educated, worldly wise guy who was entirely at ease with gay friends but, evidently, even he felt somewhat overwhelmed, out numbered, even a little frightened at venturing onto the gay scene.  Over time, it transpired that he was not alone in this, as another friend had hugely impressed me by the quantity of spirits and wine he could consume in Balans without having to respond to a call of nature during the meal....only for him to tell me, at the end of the whole evening, that he'd felt intimidated, nervous at the prospect of going to the bathroom in the 'gay' restaurant and had waited until he was about to explode before giving in to the pressure!

Balans Soho Society 2016 (photo creds hashtagfatinside.com

Both instances were a salutary reminder that even people I knew to be entirely at ease with gay friends still retained a vestige of society's conditioning about homosexuality and gay guys.  I do think it is incumbent upon us to be cognisant of such realities, to be sensitive to them and to help to allay such concerns/fears by increasing understanding of our community; as was the purpose of the visits to 'the zoo'....along with having a damned good time.  I also believe that while we, as an LGBT community, must demand our rights, equal rights, we must also recognise that with rights come responsibilities; to which I shall return in a later post.  Incidentally, my answer to the question about something to order that would make my friend appear straight, I advised he steer clear of the giant sausages and mash with onion gravy!

Photo creds, quintisocial.com 

After a suitable lining was laid in the stomach at Balans (now Balans Soho Society), it was off to the Village Bar and thence to Rupert Street Bar.  Their different characters and styles were explained in the post 'Fancy a Night Out in London's Soho - PART 1', four posts ago.  I enjoyed them both, for different reasons, but held Rupert Street as my fave.  As we drank and talked on the nights out, we explored our surroundings through sight and sound and I encouraged the various friends to say what came into their minds as we did so.  While only to be expected, almost all admitted that it was "odd" to see bar after bar devoid of female presence.  This was often followed, later, by surprised comment about how easy and light the atmosphere seemed, an absence of stress or tension, no latent risk of the confrontation or conflict that can be sensed in many straight bars as evenings progress.  In all my time in gay venues I have only seen two fights....both of which were between straight guys who had ventured in to see what the gay scene was about and, it seemed, to cause trouble.  From what I was told by the bouncer who dealt with each event, they ended up scrapping when taunts between them about their own sexuality touched raw nerves.  I got to know a few of the Soho bouncers over the years, usually well trained and class acts who sought to defuse rather than confront.

You may recall discussing the culture of greetings and goodbyes on the gay scene, in earlier posts.  In most cases it is different from the norm when straight guys say "Hi" and "Bye", involving hugs and usually a kiss on the cheek or or on the lips; in a previous post I quoted my old mate who used to insist on lips saying, "I am not greeting a Frenchman, I am greeting a fellow homosexual!"  Well, one of my straight mates who asked for the intro to the gay scene was Pete, who had worked for me in the Army and now worked for a Gov Dept.  He was (is) a great guy and entirely at ease with those from the rainbow realm.  He had thrown himself into the evening and had loved it.  I knew that many of my mates would find him physically attractive and, icing on the cake, would be totally won over by his disarming personality and ready humour.  Kicking out time arrived after a lengthy, lively period in Rupert Street and Pete had to depart swiftly; work, the ensuing day, sadly precluded his joining us in The Shadow Lounge club in Soho.  He shook hands with the circle of my gay friends who had been drawn to him like moths to a flame but one, Rich, my flat mate at the time, was facing away chatting with someone else.  I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, Pete is leaving."  Rich spun round on his heel, grabbed Pete by the back of the neck, pulled him in and kissed him full on the lips.  The evening had gone unbelievably well, to that point, beyond expectations, and I cringed at Rich's kiss...fearing that it would unhinge all the good work done to that point in breaking down barriers and enhancing understanding.  When Rich finally released straight Pete, I looked into his eyes and waited.  As expected, the response was swift and loud....he broke into almost uncontrolled laughter and, when he'd caught his breath, gave Rich another peck on the cheek.  Pete was a worldly guy, well travelled, experienced and entirely confident in his own sexuality.  As a result, the kiss was no more than evidence of a different culture to him, no more than an alternate behavioural norm.

Pete knew he was good looking and expected that various friends of mine would find him attractive.  The same was true for one or two (though no more!) other friends and I admit that I dragged my heels when requested to take them on the 'zoo' visit.  I was concerned that gay friends might have found themselves flirting with them irrespective of the fact that I always introduced straight visitors to our world as, "This is Pete [or whomever], a straight mate of mine from my old work".  As it transpired, I needn't have been so perturbed.  On the second foray onto the scene with each of these passable looking mates, after many a glass of various libations had been enjoyed, I asked if they knew that my gay mates found them attractive and were flirting with them.  Each one replied in the affirmative and followed up, unexpectedly, with the fact that they rather enjoyed it.  I had come across this previously, in a different example of a straight guy on gay turf....

NOT the guy, but you get the idea!

For a short while, after leaving the Army, I took on a job as junior waiter in the café of the best 'gay' gym in central London (though the owners firmly eschewed such a description).  While some old comrades in arms might have raised an eyebrow, or even both, at the thought of me being junior waiter in a gay gym's café after 21 years in the military and ending up on a relatively grown-up salary scale, it's true....and I might explain why and the character and customs of a gay gym in a later post.  While working there, I noted that one of our regulars was an exceptionally fit and very good looking guy who I was sure was straight.  After chatting to him during a few of his visits, I asked him if he was gay or straight and he replied the latter.  That begged the obvious follow on of why train here, which brought the very honest and enlightening answer, "Well, you people have one of the best gyms in the Soho/Covent Garden area, but I also like the fact that guys here are looking me over all the time, fancying me, if you will."  He explained that he was a serious triathlete, he had worked long and hard to achieve his physique and simply enjoyed people appreciating it, whether they were male or female.  Once again, a young guy who was entirely confident of his own sexuality and proud of his body and looks....even if he didn't fancy guys at all and had not the slightest interest in gay sex.

Right that will have to conclude our look back at my gay scene tours for straight mates, aka straight visits to the 'gay zoo'.  I am hugely grateful to you for joining me and am sending e-hugs or manly embraces, as appropriate.  Following on from the last sentence of the paragraph above, the next post will be 'Tales of Straight Gay Sexual Experiences and Straight Guys Picking Up on the Gay Scene'.

I do hope that you enjoy a fabulous weekend, if Saturday and Sunday are work free days for you.  I'd love to think that you might join me again for next week's post....?